


Fracture

by Mirimea



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Ficlet, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Romance, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirimea/pseuds/Mirimea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin Price does struggle, just like everybody else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fracture

**Author's Note:**

> Another tumblr prompt from last week; I thought I might as well post it here too. :)

Kevin wakes up to a sinking feeling and an irrational disorientation because for some reason the  _darkness_  isn’t familiar; maybe sleep is refusing to let go completely of him because he feels like he is continuously falling, something in the pit of his stomach dragging him down. It’s breathtaking, quite  _literally_ ; he can’t seem to be able to catch his breath, and then he feels a _touch_  on his shoulder and he leaps away.

Except he’s not exactly sure where he is; his feet find the ground at a strange angle and he tumbles to the floor in a graceless heap. Pain shoots through his elbow; he curls up and cradles it, trying not to whimper.

“…Elder Price?”

Right. Kevin tries to take a deep breath to calm his racing heart, feeling his face begin to burn. He hasn’t had night terrors like this since his junior year, when the pressure of schoolwork combined with increased social responsibilities had begun to take its toll on him, and the only one who has ever known about them except for Kevin himself is Jack, since they had shared bedrooms at the time.

He can feel the presence of Elder McKinley over him and tries not to move away, but then Elder McKinley reaches out and Kevin can’t quite bear that thought yet and _has_  to scramble away. “Don’t touch me!”

The dark shape that is Elder McKinley pauses with his arm still stretched out. “Are you okay?”

“Yes! Just… give me a moment.”

Pride keeps him from hiding his face in his hands. Instead, Kevin presses his fingers against the rough wooden boards that make up the floor and tries to use that feeling to steady himself. As his mind begins to catch up with him he can start to make out the shapes of furniture in the dark room and realizes where he is. He takes another deep breath; the sweet feeling of air filling his lungs does more to calm him than anything else so far. “I must have fallen asleep on the couch.”

“You did.” Elder McKinley still sounds hesitant, and Kevin tries to push his embarrassment away because  _this_  is not how he wants anyone to see him. “You slept so deeply, we didn’t want to wake you. Did you have a nightmare?”

“Something like that,” Kevin mutters and runs a hand through his hair. To be honest he can’t remember what he had been dreaming about, or if he had been dreaming at all. There’s just… a feeling, that he can’t quite seem to shake off. Like he’s running away and being cornered at the same time.  

“Must’ve been quite terrible.” It is too dark to make out the expression on Elder McKinley’s face, but his voice is sympathetic. “Did you hurt yourself?”

For a moment Kevin thinks he means in the dream, but then he realizes that he is still clutching his elbow even though the pain has subsided by now. He stretches it experimentally and shakes his head. “I’m fine.”

His heartbeat is slowing down and he doesn’t feel like he is falling anymore. He still feels oddly claustrophobic in his own body, but it’s controllable. “What are you doing up, anyway?”

“I heard something,” McKinley replies quietly. “You, I guess. I was going to wake you up. Didn’t expect you to… throw yourself away like that.”

Again, Kevin feels his cheeks heat up, and he’s glad for the darkness that hides it. Some things are inherently private, and losing control of his own physical responses like that is just one of those things. And perhaps especially around Elder McKinley, because Kevin actually _likes_  the way Elder McKinley always looks at him, like Kevin is actually something incredible, despite everything. And yet, it is somehow completely different from Arnold’s puppyish admiration.

It is something that makes Kevin straighten his back, perhaps square his shoulders a bit, until he hears a voice in his head that is eerily reminiscent of his mother teasingly pointing out that he’s prancing (like a thoroughbred horse at a dressage competition, she usually continues). But Kevin doesn’t want him to stop looking at him like that.

“Sorry,” he mutters and finally works up the strength to pick himself up from the floor. His clothes are rumbled and twisted from being slept in. He tries to straighten them the best he can, but can’t help but loosening his tie. Whatever. He’ll undress soon anyway.

“No, Elder, that… that’s fine.” There’s a pause, and when McKinley continues he sounds hesitant, as if he’s afraid of invading his privacy. “Do you want to… talk about it?”

There are plenty of things Kevin could say. He could describe how it feels like he has lost his footing, like everything is different and he can’t seem to catch up. How his own mind and body both feel strangely vulnerable, and how he kind of misses his mother. He thinks Elder McKinley wouldn’t judge too much, but it’s still too embarrassing to put in words. He tries to smile, before he remembers that Elder McKinley probably won’t be able to see it. “Thanks, but I’ll just go to bed, I think.”

“Okay,” Elder McKinley agrees, softly, and for a strange moment Kevin longs for a hug, because Elder McKinley’s presence is always comforting and down-to-earth. He shakes that thought away.

“Goodnight,” he says, even though he has no idea what time it is; it might be morning soon. But Elder McKinley simply responds in the same manner and follows him back to the corridor, where they head back into their respective rooms.

And years later, entirely unexpectedly, Connor will describe that night as one of the moments when he had actually fallen in love. And Kevin will bite his lip, uncertain if he’s being made fun of or not, but still allow Connor to roll over onto his elbow to stroke his hair away and kiss Kevin’s forehead.

Because in due time, Connor will be able to tell when Kevin’s anxiety has receeded enough for him to crave touch. His hands are warm and his lips are soft, and Kevin may not ever be able to completely understand why it is his imperfections that make Connor love him, but if that is what he gets, he’ll have to take it.  


End file.
